he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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