I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
