He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
why is half of my head shaved?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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