i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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