ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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