His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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