Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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