My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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