yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
