What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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