i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
