Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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