I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
