I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize