Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
