Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
