this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
