so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
