Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
