He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
