You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
