He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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