Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize