i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
