i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I only lived at night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
