hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
