Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
