:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
