Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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