College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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