If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
