u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
