You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
