I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
