I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
