so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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