I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
