We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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