I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
