My first STD was from a foam party
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
