So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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