For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
is it fun? or sober?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
