I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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