A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
