Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wear drunk well.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
