I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
