why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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