I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
