That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
