dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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