This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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