I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize