True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
