I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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