I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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