i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
