This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
