I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
