I bet he comes in French.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
