I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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