I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
