i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
