sarcasm needs its own font
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
