No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
