We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
