I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
