I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
