You made me cry and you don't even care
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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