I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
