You just made me feel so damn special
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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