he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
