That's intense
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
