I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
