remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
