I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
