after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
