I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
