I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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