Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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