I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
