I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
