Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
