RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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