I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
