I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
