Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
