Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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