just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
