apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
