Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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