omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
