We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
