For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
