hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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