I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All the doctor said was why
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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