my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
