Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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