so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
