I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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