hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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