He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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